Hello October!! {october goals list.}

Wow October already!!
so i have a confession to make. i have sort of been slaking in the areas of me. of this blog. of my life really. i took the morning today to feel sorry for myself and list all the reason why i am not really worth anything, said them aloud, put them in a box and am moving on. because i am worth something. i am smart, intelligent, funny, kind, caring.....well i could keep going but how much time do you really have? ha! my main goal is to make a shinier happier me at 36 and by Jove I 'm a gonna do it!! {cue fist pump.}

anyways the point is i have been going over this space, my connection with all you out there, the content i want to be in here and personally i think i can do better. that's why i am declaring this a re-dedication to this space. but then i got to thinking - what is this space? it's not like i get paid to do this...i just do it. personally when this all started it was merely a scrapbook for my kids and a way to keep in touch with family out west. then it became a place to put my recipes, to have my favorites at my fingertips. then it became a competition - i never realized how competitive i was till i saw someone doing something better over there and i had to top it. {anything you can do i can do better....} i need more recipes - better recipes! i need more of a theme!! why can't mine look as good as her's over there!! why didn't i think of that first! i need to show more tutorials...but on what?! i used to work in film and manage offices. oh think, jennifer, think!!!!

then it spiraled into a wee - very wee - bout of depression {that actually might be too strong a word....} about it because i was putting in all this time and energy and really getting not much out of it. it all boiled down to $$ and the fact that i could not do this to support my family. but then without this who am i? this went on for a bit and i felt like i had lost touch. so i stepped back. found myself posting now and again about this and that - still in the competition but playing more from the third string then the starting line-up. hey, that's a good way to describe it - i have always felt like third string - never good enough for a staring position but not terrible enough that i am out of the game completely.

i have come to a decision though - i have decided that i don't care about what everyone else is doing {well i do care because you are all wonderful but what you do isn't going to define me anymore. i'm going to be me - whoever that is!} i created this space for my kids. so they can look back and maybe see {after they exit their teens and stop hating me} that they actually did have a cool mom who moved mountains for them and that their childhood was actually pretty awesome.
it may not have been filled with luxury cruises but it was filled with boat loads of love.

okay now that we are done with all the emotional mushy stuff, down to the task at hand: i can't believe it's been so long since i posted a goals list! oh mon dieu! so here we go....this is more of a have to do than a want to do list but again it's for the purpose to hold me accountable. also i have always wanted to do a list with a monster motif!

so there you go!
thanks for the shoulder and for letting me get all that out.
yes i can hear the tiny violins playing and i know that most of my problems are not real problems but for right now they are mine.
and i have to own them.

***also i have decided to launch a small business taking outdoor photo's of families such as yours. if you are interested please drop me a email for info and pricing. thanks!

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