the imposter.

as some of you may know last week we made our move to quebec official.
we live here now.
this is home.
then...why do i feel like an imposter?

we were driving the other night and all i could think of was "i don't have my BC plates. i don't have my BC plates!! how will anyone know we are from BC??!!!!"
but we are not in BC now.
according to everyone else, we live here. we are here.
yet....
i'm so confused.

i want to show people and say look look we are here just like you...but there is a little voice saying to me - you will never be like them. you are not from here. you are an imposter.

i am {and i think always will be} a BC girl at heart.
i served most of my life sentence in west vancouver. at 22, i was transferred to downtown vancouver for 7 years. and the remaining 3 years of my BC sentence was served out in mission.

then we were enticed out here. out east.
and we are now card carrying members of the frigging cold club.
it. feels. so. strange.

this may seem weird to some that i am struggling with this but i have ALWAYS lived there.
i took one year to live abroad - but that was just visiting, it wasn't really living.
THIS IS LIVING. THIS IS BEING.
{my heart hurts a little bit.}
i wasn't all too sad when we moved because i saw it as an adventure. a movie. jen & tony move to montreal. i would see that. you would go too. wouldn't you?
this final cut has made me sad.

again i know that some people are probably scoffing at the screen and telling me to get over myself - as i would probably do in your situation - but i am finding this hard.
it really didn't hit me till last tuesday when we were out  driving and the realization came to me.
it hit me like a ton of bricks and i was stunned.
i don't think it bothered me so much because we had that link. and i fought so hard to get rid of them. 
why is this bothering me so much? it's just a license plate for gosh sakes.
i really have no idea.
i just know it is. i guess that was our last marker of where we hail from.
that we ARE bc people. full stop.

i don't know how i will feel if we move countries {cause that could happen}. i guess i would just have to pull up my big girl panties and take it.
like i have to now.

maybe i could put bc grown on our car?
or maybe i should just forget it all together.
accept it.

things could be worse.
and they are not.